Today's Plans

~these will be false names~
so today i woke up at 5:30 and didnt end up actually getting up until 6, ahahahah.
Thats the usual. Then i got ready for school, the normal and went to school.
I brought two hydros for me and my friend, Hannah to take and so i did.
Zero hour was boring because i was just waiting to be fucked up.
DISCLAIMER: TODAY HAD LOTS OF DRUGS
so after zero hour i went to my second period and took one hydro with Hannah.
That was literally the trippiest class ive ever had. My other friend, Delilah, was high as shit on M.J. and it was the BEST class ever.
After that class we decided to skip seminar and go smoke in my car, so we did. and it worked perfectly fine. We ran out of perfume though so we stank so bad, so did my car.
so when we went back inside i cracked all my windows hoping it would help.
But we went back to school and we were feeling good :-)
so then i was searching for perfume and freaking out how i smelled and i went to lunch and omg the food was so good.
Jacob, my guy best friend went to his class when we normally take a picture so i was upset but later we took one.
I finally got perfume before my next class and i smelled fine after that.
My brothers sports things were in my car so i put them in my trunk when i smoked so they wouldn't smell, good sis i know :).
But then my mom had to drop him off pants and went to put them in my car and she smelt the smoke.
She immediately called me and said " you can ruin your lungs all you want but you will not ruin my car" and so i was happy she didnt freak out.
then i got released to go home and i found my friend Hannah and we were trying to find Jacob for a picture. He picked me up over his shoulder and we took some cute pictures, we try to get one everyday so the creativity decreases every time, and they turned out good.
Then i went to a prom store with Hannah and found my perfect prom dress, now i just have to find a date haha.
Jacob has mentioned him not going with anyone and then he switches and says he wants to go with me so i just really dont know....
But ive decided no matter how much i can get into my head and decide i like Jacob, i dont want to ruin our friendship. Maybe in the future it would be better to be best friends and dating and something serious but right now its all fun.
I just found out my ex boyfriend, Jason, cheated on me not only once, which i forgave him for because he told me he pushed Mary off of him but no, with my friend, Katherine.
Mary came over one time while i was out of town to Jason's house and ended up getting wasted and following my, at the time, boyfriend and got onto her hands and knees and starting sucking his dick and he pushed her off (well tats the story i got). and then 3 months later when we are celebrating 15 months he tells me he actually fucked her and my other friend Katherine.
I love life and i love the good it brings me but the pain also murders me.
I get so deep into my head and thats what this is for, for the introvert me.
No one except Hannah knows this is mine....
This is my own journal basically but public, but not.
And i hope in the end i can make it out and say that this helped me and i can influence my kids one day to start a blog.



" I cant fall for you, cant give my all to you. Cant let you think that imma let the game stall for you. Gotta protect me, gotta sweat me. You said you thought you was ready and  said lets see. but i aint mean that, i need some fucking proof. cause what happens if i fall in love and you cut me lose. you just a heart breaker, wont let you break mine."

I can make it through the day with a smile on my face and pretend to people to be happy. to be distracted... but when i come home and i get ready for bed? when i take all my makeup off, start up pandora, and start writing? i lose control and my life comes flooding into my head and all the bad thats happened and after my day, im just too tired to fight and i get so down. how do i get passed this and make myself happy again?
Jacob does it.
Jason does it, with his new gf.
Katherine does it.
Mary does it.
How do i do it?
CC.