I got back from new york and london and went home. i got there around 1 pm and my mom and brother just got done with church so we went out to eat otgether. She didnt even find out that i went to london :)
I went to "hannahs house" to spend the night and actually went camping. it was awesome!!!
i havent had that much fun in forever.
At first we had to relocate because the cops showed up and said they will arrest us if we are still here at 12 when curfew is so we relocated to corbin's house (fake name)
We set up our tents and fire and just hungout for a little.
Then caleb started rolling joints with the 12 grams we had.
He made 6 and then we decided to start smoking, we sat ina circle and double passed.
I spent so much time with jacob it was amazing. we got closer than before and i swear we were going to do stuff but then we both got opposite vibes from each other, even though talking to him later he wanted to do stuff, and so we just hungout and talked and spent a lot of time together. But after i left we started talking and like really, really talking. like we are a thing i guess and i couldnt be happier right now. We are actually like the cutest and we flirt so much its bound to happen. I couldnt spend the night, but if i did we wouldve probably ended up doing stuff. its funny because i texted him last night and we were talking about all of our oppurtunities and we were both thinking the same thing, just no one acted. i guess we will have to wait for next time :)
I bet you 20 bucks rn that next time we hang we will kiss or do other things....
But this bitch veronica is budging in on our business and saying she likes him and is obsessing over him and im gonna beat her ass. haha jk i dont fight girls but she is truly pissing me off.
Well i had fun smoking my first time in 7 months.
Then the next day i went and picked up monica (she was camping also) and then got jacob and we went exploring and climbing trees and hiking, my body is actually so sore.
Now we are back at school from our 4 day weekend and its the weirdest feeling ever. i feel like we have been on break because its been so long. I smoked too, so my mind and judgment is alll off now. im definitely going to start smoking more and more. i bought eye drops and used perfume and brought new clothes and my mom didnt suspect ANYTHING. so im doing it more.
I gotta go, im supposed to be typing a chemistry essay, but hey school wifi doesnt block blogger, so why not blog and catch you guys up??
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Welcome 2 My Wold
I didn't go to sleep last night because hey, jet lag is a bitch.
I stayed up until 7 am, when i started my tour around London, with Jacob and then got up and got ready to tour :)
I went to lots of places!!! it was amazing. i went to the Westminster palace, Kensington palace, London eye, Big Ben, tower bridge, Madame Tussaud's museum, Hyde park and Trafalgar square.
I was supposed to stay tomorrow also but im going to a huge camping trip with some friends so im leaving today at 5 am haha. So im gonna get back to my home town around 7 pm and then to the camp place! Im with hannah and jacob and a few other people, i dont feel like making fake names for all of them now, but i will blog about it after its all over :)
Its 12:02 am so im probably just gonna stay up again with Jacob and catch my flight :)
right now im figuring out tomorrows plans and watching vampire diariesssss more details later :)
I stayed up until 7 am, when i started my tour around London, with Jacob and then got up and got ready to tour :)
I went to lots of places!!! it was amazing. i went to the Westminster palace, Kensington palace, London eye, Big Ben, tower bridge, Madame Tussaud's museum, Hyde park and Trafalgar square.
I was supposed to stay tomorrow also but im going to a huge camping trip with some friends so im leaving today at 5 am haha. So im gonna get back to my home town around 7 pm and then to the camp place! Im with hannah and jacob and a few other people, i dont feel like making fake names for all of them now, but i will blog about it after its all over :)
Its 12:02 am so im probably just gonna stay up again with Jacob and catch my flight :)
right now im figuring out tomorrows plans and watching vampire diariesssss more details later :)
Friday, January 16, 2015
Safe Travels
So thursday after school i came home for about an hour and a half and got chic fil a with my dads pilot and then i went to the airport. i left out of XYZ airport with my friend amber (fake name) and we flew to jfk airport in new york city. We spent the night there in The Plaza Hotel and went out and explored the city for about an hour and then came back to go to bed because it was a 3 1/2 flight to NYC and it was about 10 pm when we arrived. We had a flight to Heathrow, England at 7 am the next morning. I was totally planning on coming back and going to bed but then i popped 2 benzo's and i was awake. I decided to face time Jacob and i talked with him until 6:30 am right before my flight lol! i ended up not getting ready or anything, i just took off my makeup, not even my pajamas, and boarded my jet. Amber was totally rested because she went to sleep :/ but then i slept from 7 am until 2 pm. i woke up and the time had changed so it was now 8 pm and dark outside again. i didnt even see the sunrise because i fell asleep at 7 am and it wasn't rising yet. So then i landed in heathrow and it was around 9:20 pm or so, we went to find the hotel and put our stuff down and went shopping :). we are staying at The Milestone Hotel and it is GORGEOUS.
That is the hotel and the inside is even nicer inside<3
So yea we go into town and go to some shogun type place and it has an amazing view of london while we eat. we popped 2 xanies and it was trippy as fuck. We finish eating around 12:30 am and go to the mall, which is open 24/7 and that is amazing. so we went shopping and i bought jacob something for his birthday coming up and he is smoking me out on his bday :)
After we went shopping we had to drive 30 minutes back to hotel and i was ready for bed, but now that im in bed im not haha. it is now 4:40 am and i have to be up at 7 am to go explore london and tour. So i think im gonna just stay up and sleep later right before my 5 am flight back to NYC. short trip but it has been the most fun i have had in a while and a trip well needed with some great ppl. i miss hannah though :)
Ill update later when ive toured and im on the jet back
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Jason backstory & OTHER THINGS
you know what? no. im not going to talk about jason. he doesnt deserve my time or sadness. he hurt me, he cheated on me and now hes an asshole. end of story. i will not be speaking of him any more. i got some good advice today from jacob and he said when things need to move to your past you have to train your mouth not to speak of the memories and then your brain will learn to get past it, if that made any sense. I actually feel like thats so true because i can talk about jason and other people can mention him cheating and it ends up making me super down and stuff. not like sad but just down because of everything that happened. i honestly think me and jasons whole relationship was a fucking lie. being done with him i have found out so many things throughout our relationship and im just like, wow... fuck you. and i loved him with everything i had. i gave him multiple oppurtunities and chances and things he wouldnt of had without me or with someone else. I guess i was just too stupid to see he was playing me the whole time, i just dont even know why he stayed with me so long and told me he loved me if he acted behind my back the way he did.
So yes im done talking about jason. I have talked to jacob for a while about me and jason and he even helped me when i was dating that fucker.
But now im doing good with jacob and i love life actually. like sometimes i get sad and down and everything but jacob always helps me through it and talks to me and that ladies, is what you look for in a guy.
So yes im done talking about jason. I have talked to jacob for a while about me and jason and he even helped me when i was dating that fucker.
But now im doing good with jacob and i love life actually. like sometimes i get sad and down and everything but jacob always helps me through it and talks to me and that ladies, is what you look for in a guy.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Shopping...all day
I got up for school today and i was like NOPE FUCK THAT.
so i went back to bed and woke up at 12 pm....:)
I went and picked up my prom dress and showed my mom and bought that
prom dress: $550 and tailoring: $40
then we went to best buy and bought a macbook air and case
mackbook air: $849
case: $79
all together with protection plan and insurance: $1,469
and then i went to chick fil a and bought lunch and headed to babysit
i babysat for about 2 1/2 hours and made $20 bucks
then i came home and my mom bought me shoes so that was another $30 bucks
and then my brother purchased me a dripper so thats $90 with charger and juice and everything...
so yea today was filled with spending money and barely making any back haha.
Tomorrow i have to go back to school, but we have friday off!
Im flying to London and spending the weekend there actually because its a four day weekend so IM SUUUUUPPPPEEERRRRR EXCITED :-)
But thats all that happened today.
Pretty laid back day.
so i went back to bed and woke up at 12 pm....:)
I went and picked up my prom dress and showed my mom and bought that
prom dress: $550 and tailoring: $40
then we went to best buy and bought a macbook air and case
mackbook air: $849
case: $79
all together with protection plan and insurance: $1,469
and then i went to chick fil a and bought lunch and headed to babysit
i babysat for about 2 1/2 hours and made $20 bucks
then i came home and my mom bought me shoes so that was another $30 bucks
and then my brother purchased me a dripper so thats $90 with charger and juice and everything...
so yea today was filled with spending money and barely making any back haha.
Tomorrow i have to go back to school, but we have friday off!
Im flying to London and spending the weekend there actually because its a four day weekend so IM SUUUUUPPPPEEERRRRR EXCITED :-)
But thats all that happened today.
Pretty laid back day.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Today's Plans
~these will be false names~
so today i woke up at 5:30 and didnt end up actually getting up until 6, ahahahah.
Thats the usual. Then i got ready for school, the normal and went to school.
I brought two hydros for me and my friend, Hannah to take and so i did.
Zero hour was boring because i was just waiting to be fucked up.
DISCLAIMER: TODAY HAD LOTS OF DRUGS
so after zero hour i went to my second period and took one hydro with Hannah.
That was literally the trippiest class ive ever had. My other friend, Delilah, was high as shit on M.J. and it was the BEST class ever.
After that class we decided to skip seminar and go smoke in my car, so we did. and it worked perfectly fine. We ran out of perfume though so we stank so bad, so did my car.
so when we went back inside i cracked all my windows hoping it would help.
But we went back to school and we were feeling good :-)
so then i was searching for perfume and freaking out how i smelled and i went to lunch and omg the food was so good.
Jacob, my guy best friend went to his class when we normally take a picture so i was upset but later we took one.
I finally got perfume before my next class and i smelled fine after that.
My brothers sports things were in my car so i put them in my trunk when i smoked so they wouldn't smell, good sis i know :).
But then my mom had to drop him off pants and went to put them in my car and she smelt the smoke.
She immediately called me and said " you can ruin your lungs all you want but you will not ruin my car" and so i was happy she didnt freak out.
then i got released to go home and i found my friend Hannah and we were trying to find Jacob for a picture. He picked me up over his shoulder and we took some cute pictures, we try to get one everyday so the creativity decreases every time, and they turned out good.
Then i went to a prom store with Hannah and found my perfect prom dress, now i just have to find a date haha.
Jacob has mentioned him not going with anyone and then he switches and says he wants to go with me so i just really dont know....
But ive decided no matter how much i can get into my head and decide i like Jacob, i dont want to ruin our friendship. Maybe in the future it would be better to be best friends and dating and something serious but right now its all fun.
I just found out my ex boyfriend, Jason, cheated on me not only once, which i forgave him for because he told me he pushed Mary off of him but no, with my friend, Katherine.
Mary came over one time while i was out of town to Jason's house and ended up getting wasted and following my, at the time, boyfriend and got onto her hands and knees and starting sucking his dick and he pushed her off (well tats the story i got). and then 3 months later when we are celebrating 15 months he tells me he actually fucked her and my other friend Katherine.
I love life and i love the good it brings me but the pain also murders me.
I get so deep into my head and thats what this is for, for the introvert me.
No one except Hannah knows this is mine....
This is my own journal basically but public, but not.
And i hope in the end i can make it out and say that this helped me and i can influence my kids one day to start a blog.
" I cant fall for you, cant give my all to you. Cant let you think that imma let the game stall for you. Gotta protect me, gotta sweat me. You said you thought you was ready and said lets see. but i aint mean that, i need some fucking proof. cause what happens if i fall in love and you cut me lose. you just a heart breaker, wont let you break mine."
I can make it through the day with a smile on my face and pretend to people to be happy. to be distracted... but when i come home and i get ready for bed? when i take all my makeup off, start up pandora, and start writing? i lose control and my life comes flooding into my head and all the bad thats happened and after my day, im just too tired to fight and i get so down. how do i get passed this and make myself happy again?
Jacob does it.
Jason does it, with his new gf.
Katherine does it.
Mary does it.
How do i do it?
CC.
so today i woke up at 5:30 and didnt end up actually getting up until 6, ahahahah.
Thats the usual. Then i got ready for school, the normal and went to school.
I brought two hydros for me and my friend, Hannah to take and so i did.
Zero hour was boring because i was just waiting to be fucked up.
DISCLAIMER: TODAY HAD LOTS OF DRUGS
so after zero hour i went to my second period and took one hydro with Hannah.
That was literally the trippiest class ive ever had. My other friend, Delilah, was high as shit on M.J. and it was the BEST class ever.
After that class we decided to skip seminar and go smoke in my car, so we did. and it worked perfectly fine. We ran out of perfume though so we stank so bad, so did my car.
so when we went back inside i cracked all my windows hoping it would help.
But we went back to school and we were feeling good :-)
so then i was searching for perfume and freaking out how i smelled and i went to lunch and omg the food was so good.
Jacob, my guy best friend went to his class when we normally take a picture so i was upset but later we took one.
I finally got perfume before my next class and i smelled fine after that.
My brothers sports things were in my car so i put them in my trunk when i smoked so they wouldn't smell, good sis i know :).
But then my mom had to drop him off pants and went to put them in my car and she smelt the smoke.
She immediately called me and said " you can ruin your lungs all you want but you will not ruin my car" and so i was happy she didnt freak out.
then i got released to go home and i found my friend Hannah and we were trying to find Jacob for a picture. He picked me up over his shoulder and we took some cute pictures, we try to get one everyday so the creativity decreases every time, and they turned out good.
Then i went to a prom store with Hannah and found my perfect prom dress, now i just have to find a date haha.
Jacob has mentioned him not going with anyone and then he switches and says he wants to go with me so i just really dont know....
But ive decided no matter how much i can get into my head and decide i like Jacob, i dont want to ruin our friendship. Maybe in the future it would be better to be best friends and dating and something serious but right now its all fun.
I just found out my ex boyfriend, Jason, cheated on me not only once, which i forgave him for because he told me he pushed Mary off of him but no, with my friend, Katherine.
Mary came over one time while i was out of town to Jason's house and ended up getting wasted and following my, at the time, boyfriend and got onto her hands and knees and starting sucking his dick and he pushed her off (well tats the story i got). and then 3 months later when we are celebrating 15 months he tells me he actually fucked her and my other friend Katherine.
I love life and i love the good it brings me but the pain also murders me.
I get so deep into my head and thats what this is for, for the introvert me.
No one except Hannah knows this is mine....
This is my own journal basically but public, but not.
And i hope in the end i can make it out and say that this helped me and i can influence my kids one day to start a blog.
" I cant fall for you, cant give my all to you. Cant let you think that imma let the game stall for you. Gotta protect me, gotta sweat me. You said you thought you was ready and said lets see. but i aint mean that, i need some fucking proof. cause what happens if i fall in love and you cut me lose. you just a heart breaker, wont let you break mine."
I can make it through the day with a smile on my face and pretend to people to be happy. to be distracted... but when i come home and i get ready for bed? when i take all my makeup off, start up pandora, and start writing? i lose control and my life comes flooding into my head and all the bad thats happened and after my day, im just too tired to fight and i get so down. how do i get passed this and make myself happy again?
Jacob does it.
Jason does it, with his new gf.
Katherine does it.
Mary does it.
How do i do it?
CC.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Almighty Crime
Boys are put in this world so they can hurt girls. Boys are put in this world so they can learn just as girls learn, through trial and error. I go through stages where i hate boys and they're the worst things in this world but then i go back to boys, and not in the creep " i depend on boys attention to feel good" way. Just that i get sick of girls and all the fucking drama that surrounds them and boys are so chill.
I have a boy best friend, and a girl best friend. My girl best friend can go days without seeing me and then we catch up and its like nothing ever got put between us. I have gotten annoyed with her, yelled at her, but then also cried with her. I cried through everything with her. From heartbreak with boys to getting cuticle warts cut out of my fingers. Everything survived with this girl and this is probably the only girl i will ever be able to stand, not even my mom.
Now my guy best friend... that's the thing. Its like we are best friends one minute and then a cute couple the next. He sends mixed signals my way 24/7 and idk what to do about it. He is gorgeous and cute and flirty and fun but then also he is a complete ass and cares about no one at times. Everyone always asks us if we are dating because we post pictures together but honestly i don't think i would want to date him right now,
I just got my heart shattered by, what i thought, was the love of my life. I'm not ready to jump right back into that boat... and probably not for a while.
That's another thing, don't get in relationships when it is physically impossible for you to be monogamous.
Girls do not want to share you. No matter how many times they tell you its okay to have that best friend that's a girl, ITS NOT. please, please, please take my word for it if you are reading this.
Its not worth it to go 15 months perfectly happy just to find out the other partner cheated on you and had lied about it the entire time and faked everything from then on with you.
I guess this world is all fucked up. In a way, everyone fucks up. It just depends on HOW you fuck up.
Don't hurt a girl that is going to remain in your past because eventually, she will be someones future and you will fuck with her head so much that maybe she wont be able to love the person she was supposed to be with. And that is the almighty crime of this world.
CC.
I have a boy best friend, and a girl best friend. My girl best friend can go days without seeing me and then we catch up and its like nothing ever got put between us. I have gotten annoyed with her, yelled at her, but then also cried with her. I cried through everything with her. From heartbreak with boys to getting cuticle warts cut out of my fingers. Everything survived with this girl and this is probably the only girl i will ever be able to stand, not even my mom.
Now my guy best friend... that's the thing. Its like we are best friends one minute and then a cute couple the next. He sends mixed signals my way 24/7 and idk what to do about it. He is gorgeous and cute and flirty and fun but then also he is a complete ass and cares about no one at times. Everyone always asks us if we are dating because we post pictures together but honestly i don't think i would want to date him right now,
I just got my heart shattered by, what i thought, was the love of my life. I'm not ready to jump right back into that boat... and probably not for a while.
That's another thing, don't get in relationships when it is physically impossible for you to be monogamous.
Girls do not want to share you. No matter how many times they tell you its okay to have that best friend that's a girl, ITS NOT. please, please, please take my word for it if you are reading this.
Its not worth it to go 15 months perfectly happy just to find out the other partner cheated on you and had lied about it the entire time and faked everything from then on with you.
I guess this world is all fucked up. In a way, everyone fucks up. It just depends on HOW you fuck up.
Don't hurt a girl that is going to remain in your past because eventually, she will be someones future and you will fuck with her head so much that maybe she wont be able to love the person she was supposed to be with. And that is the almighty crime of this world.
CC.
Arrogance of the Youth
Life kicks your ass sometimes.
If people knew that, they would crawl into a basement with a pipe and food and never come out.
You wouldn't take risks, fight for lost causes, or even start a career if you knew better.
Failure is always going to come to you. Whether you try or don't try.
Well definitely if you don't try...
But if you do try and you do fail then HELLO, welcome to life.
Everybody will go through life periods with disappointment and regret.
But life is filled with regret and life is filled with disappointment and people who will disappoint you.
CC.
If people knew that, they would crawl into a basement with a pipe and food and never come out.
You wouldn't take risks, fight for lost causes, or even start a career if you knew better.
Failure is always going to come to you. Whether you try or don't try.
Well definitely if you don't try...
But if you do try and you do fail then HELLO, welcome to life.
Everybody will go through life periods with disappointment and regret.
But life is filled with regret and life is filled with disappointment and people who will disappoint you.
CC.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)